I finally finished St. Augustine’s Confession’s. Lately, I have been sort of in a rut, which is most likely why I haven’t written anything.
One of the passages in Confessions that really stood out to be was in Book X.
” When I am in trouble I long for good fortune, but when I have good fortune I fear to lose it. Is there any middle state between prosperity and adversity, some state in which human life is not a trial? In prosperity as the world knows it there is twofold cause for grief, for there is grief in the fear of adversity and grief in joy that does not last. And in what the world knows as adversity the causes of grief are threefold, for not only is it hard to bear, but it also causes us to long for prosperous times and to fear that our powers of endurance may break. Is not man’s life on earth a long, unbroken period of trial?”
I find myself feeling this way a lot. Even when I am happy, there is always a part of me that is worried I will loose the happiness soon. There is also always a part of me that is never really content in my happiness. I feel constantly restless. I always want something better or new or more exciting.
Augustine’s cure for my restlessness is in God. He states, ” Our heart is restless until it rests in you.” I have never found rest in God…maybe I have not been trying hard enough. I don’t think I am even searching for happiness; I am just searching for contentment. Everyone tells me this is a normal feeling, but I am petrified that this feeling will always be with me. I am afraid I will always be a little bit empty inside.